Why SHOULDN'T we have a warmer and fuzzier KKK?

Well, if it's a warmer and fuzzier KKK we're hoping for, CNN's revised headline -- the lower one, in case you were wondering -- is, um, fuzzier, no?

by Ken

Howie asked earlier today if I'd thought about writing about Cliven Brady, and I had to say honestly that no, I hadn't, and I didn't think anyone would be eager to hear my solution, which would be to have him killed just so people would stop talking about him -- and also it would teach him a lesson. You know, it's hard even to get these criminal-crackpot types' attention, let alone teach them a lesson.

For what it's worth, washingtonpost.com's Alexandra Petri asks some good questions today in her post "Cliven Bundy’s awful views should not be news":

You know that it is a slow week for news when the big story is that a man who thinks he should be allowed to let his cattle graze harmoniously for free on protected federal lands might have some racist opinions. What? Why do we care about his thoughts on race? Why, for that matter, were we listening to him in the first place?

Though I see today where "Rand Paul and other Republican leaders back away from Bundy," Howie points out that no less a patriot than Sen. Rafael "Ted" Cruz has called this Cliven Bundy "an American hero." And if Rafael "Ted" says it, surely it would be un-American to disagree. I don't rule out the possibility that a person could get shot for disagreeing.

I told Howie I'd think about it, but seriously now, I can hardly take on another criminal-crackpot type when I'm still trying to get a word in edgewise about the KKK-CNN flap. You know, where CNN pursued the weighty question, "Can the KKK rebrand?" Heck, a person can only deal with so many criminal-crackpot types at a time, and I still want to raise the question -- like it says way up top of thispost -- "Why shouldn't we have a warmer, fuzzier KKK?"

I mean, the Grand Wizard himself says: "I believe in racial separation but it doesn't have to be violent. People in the Klan are professional people, business people, working types. We are a legitimate organization." Isn't that a good thing, to have the Klan crusading to end this race-mixing stuff by nonviolent means?

And yet from the hubbub that ensued from that innocent CNN headline, "Can the KKK rebrand?" )At Daily Kos, David Harris-Gershon had a fine piece, making a useful link between the kind of folks the Imperial Wizard describes as today's Klan members (you remember -- "professional people, business people, working types") and the kind "who sent Hank Aaron vile, racist letters after he had the temerity to opine, regarding the right-wing opposition President Obama faces, that Klan members today simply hide in plain sight.")

I don't know, from all the furor, you'd think they were trying to get away with, I don't know, murder. Oops, bad example. Anyway, I think a nonviolent KKK would be, you know, an improvement. I'm not sure Rafael "Ted" would agree, though.

THERE'S NO QUESTION THAT THERE ARE, ER,
OBSTACLES TO A WARMER AND FUZZIER KKK

Now if the KKK is going to rebrand -- or if "this KKK leader" is going to rebrand the KKK -- there are obviously some things that will have to be done. But if there's anything we Americans know how to do, it's getting things done. So let's roll up our sleeves.

• Something's got to be done about the KKK's history

This sounds like it would be really, really hard to get around. The KKK's history, I mean. As histories go, they don't come much viler or more despicable. Just on the issue of violence, the new, nonviolent KKK has to somehow get around its history, which could hardly be more gruesomely and personally violent.

Fortunately, sometimes seemingly intractable problems turn out to be hardly any problem at all. You say the KKK has a problem with its history. History? In the good ol' U.S. of A.? You're kidding, right? History? What, are you new in town?

• Something's got to be done about the KKK's name

This I think is inevitable. People hear that name, KKK, and they associate bad thoughts with it. They may not always know what exactly the bad thoughts are. But you know you wouldn't want the name on your kid's softball uniform shirt, right?

The obvious ways to go would be either down to JJJ or up to LLL. Personally, I don't think either of these has much pizzazz, and I suppose we could scan the alphabet, but we know we've already had the American Automobile Association, the Better Business Bureau, the Civilian Conservation Corps, and who all knows what else?

I think I've got this one, though: WARM, for We're Against Race-Mixing.

• Something's got to be done about the KKK's wardrobe

You know, the hoods, the sheets. It might still fly down South, but for a lot of people it still has, you know, negative associations.

I think I've got this one too, though. Make it a challenge for Project Runway. You know, design a new wardrobe for the former KKK, now WARM (or JJJ). A nice jumper, maybe? A two-piece look? Even a hood or some other type of headwear might not be out of the question, if it's sufficiently fashion-forward. Each team designs both a men's and a women's look, and the winning team gets its designs used by actual Klan members. (Hmm, I guess we couldn't call them "Klan members" anymore. "WARM-ies"?)

Maybe some kind of hood could still work?

I don't have all the details worked out, but I think I've set the discussion on the right track. Maybe Cliven B has some ideas. Or Rafael "Ted." This sounds like the sort of project they could sink their fangs in.

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